Bathtubs & Memories
About two weeks ago, I was relaxing in my bathtub. I wasn't reading, watching tv, or making bubbles. I was just laying there. It was nice. I closed my eyes & memories began rushing through my mind. All the thoughts were from roughly the same time period in my life. My older brother Johnny was sick with cancer, which took him & my mom to San Francisco for extended periods of time. The church office seemed like it was a second home to me, as I was usually there or at home alone, or maybe my older brother Joel was there. I can't really remember. So I was having flashes of me & my brother Joel at 430 Janelle St. in Carson riding our bikes in the parking lot. Usually we would go to the 711 down the street & I was faced with my biggest choice of the day...Strawberry or Grape Welches soda. I don't think I could handle either of those now due to the sugar content. On this particular day that flashed in my mind, we got slurpees instead of welches. It was great. Coca-Cola slurpees on a hot day. I remember riding around in the parking lot pretending that we were Ponch & Jon from Chips. I ran into my brother and spilled his slurpee but held onto mine. I felt horrible then & I was just as crushed as I was laying in the bathtub. I thought "why is this memory so fresh, so painful that I got the lower lip quiver." I still don't know. I didn't receive any beating or any verbal lashing for the accident. Nevertheless, it left me feeling like a failure.
My mind quickly jumped memories to my favorite pastime at the church office. There was a soundproof room off one of the rooms. (I often checked the quality of the soundproofing like only an 8 year old Ben could). I had a tv where I could watch movies. This closet also doubled as a storage room for miscellaneous stuff. Everyday I would watch the same movie over and over, and over and over. It was Joseph and His Brothers by Hannah Barbara. It told the OT story of Joseph from his dreams to his reuniting with his slavetrading brothers. It has always been my favorite.
Jumping memories again, I would often go through what was in storage. I found boxes that said cereal. Inside these big boxes were at least 10 boxes of cereal. This was great. Even better was that each box had a hot wheel inside it...And my mom always wondered where I got all my sweet hot wheels.
I just wanted to take a bath. I got a lot more that I expected.
posted by Murdoc @ 3:48 PM
6 comments
6 Comments:
It's very interesting how memories come without respect to what we're currently doing. Last Saturday, I had a similar thing happen to me. The memories came right after a bath.
I know the Lord will help you get to the root of the pain. I'll be praying for that. Why did you feel like a failure? Did it relate/link to worrying about Johnny?
I remember sometimes you and Joel would walk up to my house or I would walk down to the office and slurpees were consumed.
Ben that was a great story . . . thanks for sharing it. I related to it and it made me feel like I knew you just a little better . . . and I think you're a great guy to get to know . . . but not in the biblical sense, of course . . .
You take baths????
Ha! Just kidding. I am currently doing a study called Waking the Dead by John Eldredge. It is primarily about healing our broken-ness so our hearts can become fully alive. There is a particular chapter that explains how at seemingly random times (for me it's usually in a public place...I would love it to be at bathtime!) Jesus will come and take us to a place that needs to be healed. A place that maybe we have forgotten about or a place where we never even realized we were hurting or broken. The book goes on to say we need to invite Jesus in (he was very specific about that) & that Jesus wants us to walk with Him to that place & time so He can heal & restore us. After reading your blog I just had to share this with you. Thank you for sharing your intimate bathtime thoughts, that is very brave of you!
Not really sure why the whole failure thing. I felt like I ruined something important. Any yes, Davey, I remember the few times I went to 1215 WInnie Ln. It was my first exposure to the Simpsons and a cereal that I can't really remember what it was.
perhaps it's joel who should feel like the failure. man, how many brothers does a guy have to have to figure out that you always hold on to your Slurpee.
seriously, though, i don't bathe. (i do shower) most memories tend to come up during that time, and most are painful/unhappy. there is not a whole lot that went on during my childhood that i am especially proud of. i kind of like to mentally pretend i was born in 2003 or something.
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